Sunday, November 29, 2009

Key to a better relationship begins with YOU

The blush of new love has faded. Now it’s time to iron out those problems in your relationship.
One way to set the stage for resolving those mini-problems is first to examine your attitude.
“You must accept that the person is not the problem- the problem is the problem.” says psychologist Susan Heitler.
Take the finger you point at the person and bend it towards yourself, adds psychologist Carl Mumpower. “Admit that “ I have these idiosyncrasies and I’m less than perfect.”
You can’t criticize people into becoming better people. Instead describe the dilemma, discuss your concerns, not your criticism of your partner. And listen, listen, listen.
Make a request, suggest a creative solution, a proactive way that won’t leave you feeling like a victim.
For example, if she likes to run errands on your way to an event and it drives you crazy, make a list of things to do and do them the next day. Re-choreograph your departure.
Be a good role model and don’t neglect your own behavior.
React to patterns, not isolated incidents.
“Above all, put more energy into loving those differences that initially attracted your rather than trying to change them.” says Mumpower. “We’re all unique, molded in different furnaces. We should love those differences.
By Sandy Naiman
Recommended reading
5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

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