The blush of new love has faded. Now it’s time to iron out those problems in your relationship.
One way to set the stage for resolving those mini-problems is first to examine your attitude.
“You must accept that the person is not the problem- the problem is the problem.” says psychologist Susan Heitler.
Take the finger you point at the person and bend it towards yourself, adds psychologist Carl Mumpower. “Admit that “ I have these idiosyncrasies and I’m less than perfect.”
You can’t criticize people into becoming better people. Instead describe the dilemma, discuss your concerns, not your criticism of your partner. And listen, listen, listen.
Make a request, suggest a creative solution, a proactive way that won’t leave you feeling like a victim.
For example, if she likes to run errands on your way to an event and it drives you crazy, make a list of things to do and do them the next day. Re-choreograph your departure.
Be a good role model and don’t neglect your own behavior.
React to patterns, not isolated incidents.
“Above all, put more energy into loving those differences that initially attracted your rather than trying to change them.” says Mumpower. “We’re all unique, molded in different furnaces. We should love those differences.
By Sandy Naiman
Recommended reading
5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Get Connected 21st Century Learn, Speak & Socialize leads to Monetize
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
" A Lesson in Freedom"
Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a Social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, AR did something not to be forgotten.
On the first day of school, with permission of the school Superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks Out of The classroom.
The kids came into first period, they walked in, there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."
They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."
"No," she said.
"Maybe it's our behavior."
And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."
And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the Classroom. Second period, same thing, third period.
By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.
The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. And she says,
"Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily."
She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."
Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it,
And as she did 27 U.S. Veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that Classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall.
And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.
Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you.
They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."
Sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities.
The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home.
MAY IS NATIONAL MILITARY APPRECIATION MONTH
Remember our Troops and Veterans...
On the first day of school, with permission of the school Superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks Out of The classroom.
The kids came into first period, they walked in, there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."
They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."
"No," she said.
"Maybe it's our behavior."
And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."
And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the Classroom. Second period, same thing, third period.
By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom.
The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. And she says,
"Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily."
She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."
Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it,
And as she did 27 U.S. Veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that Classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall.
And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives, understood how they earned those desks.
Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you.
They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."
Sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities.
The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home.
MAY IS NATIONAL MILITARY APPRECIATION MONTH
Remember our Troops and Veterans...
Stay Focused on Your Core Genius
by Jack Canfield
Focus on your core geniusI believe you have inside of you a core genius... some one thing that you love to do, and do so well, that you hardly feel like doing anything else. It’s effortless for you and a whole lot of fun. And if you could make money doing it, you’d make it your lifetime’s work.
In most cases, your Core Genius is directly tied to your passions and life-purpose.
Successful people believe this, too. That's why they put their core genius first. They focus on it—and delegate everything else to other people on their team.
For me, my core genius lies in the area of teaching, training, coaching and motivating. Another core genius is writing and compiling books. Over my 35 year career, I have written, co-authored, compiled and edited more than 150 books, and I love to do it! I do it well, and people report that they get great value from it.
Compare that to the other people in the world who go through life doing everything, even those tasks they’re bad at or that could be done more cheaply, better, and faster by someone else.
They simply can’t find the time to focus on their core genius because they fail to delegate even the most menial of tasks.
When you delegate the grunt work—the things you hate doing or those tasks that are so painful, you end up putting them off—you get to concentrate on what you love to do. You free up your time so that you can be more productive. And you get to enjoy life more.
So why is delegating routine tasks and unwanted projects so difficult for most people?
Surprisingly, most people are afraid of looking wasteful or being judged as being above everyone else. They are afraid to give up control or reluctant to spend the money to pay for help. Deep down, most people simply don't want to let go.
Others (potentially you) have simply fallen into the habit of doing everything themselves. "It's too time-consuming to explain it to someone," you say. "I can do it more quickly and better myself anyway." But can you?
Delegate Completely!
If you’re a professional earning $75 per hour and you pay a neighborhood kid $10 an hour to cut the grass, you save the effort of doing it yourself on the weekend and gain one extra hour when you could profit by $65. Of course, while one hour does’t seem like much, multiply that by 52 weekends a year and you discover you’Ave gained 52 hours a year at $65 per hour —or an extra $3,380 in potential earnings.
Similarly, if you’re a real estate agent, you need to list houses, gather information for the multiple listings, attend open houses, do showings, put keys in lock boxes, write offers and make appointments. And, if you’re lucky, you eventually get to close a deal.
But let’s say that you’re the best closer in the area.
Why would you want to waste your time writing listings, doing lead generation, placing lock boxes, and making videos of the property when you could have a staff of colleagues and assistants doing all that, thus freeing you up to do more closing? Instead of doing just one deal a week, you could be doing three deals because you had delegated what you’re less good at.
One of the strategies I use and teach is complete delegation. It simply means that you delegate a task once and completely - rather than delegating it each time it needs to be done.
When my niece came to stay with us one year while she attended the local community college, we made a complete delegation - the grocery shopping. We told her she could have unlimited use of our van if she would buy the groceries every week. We provided her with a list of staples that we always want in the house (eggs, butter, milk, ketchup, and so on), and her job was to check every week and replace anything that was running low.
In addition, my wife planned meals and let her know which items she wanted for the main courses (fish, chicken, broccoli, avocados, and so on). The task was delegated once and saved us hundreds of hours that year that could be devoted to writing, exercise, family time, and recreation.
Most entrepreneurs spend less than 30% of their time focusing on their core genius and unique abilities.
In fact, by the time they've launched a business, it often seems entrepreneurs are doing everything but the one thing they went into business for in the first place.
Many salespeople, for example, spend more time on account administration than they do on the phone or in the field making sales, when they could hire a part-time administrator (or share the cost with another salesperson) to do this time-consuming detail work. In most cases, in a fraction of the time it would take them and at a fraction of the cost.
Most female executives spend too much time running their household, when they could easily and inexpensively delegate this task to a cleaning service or part-time mother's helper, freeing them to focus on their career or spend more quality time with their family.
Don't let this be your fate!
Identify your core genius, then delegate completely to free up more time to focus on what you love to do.
I believe that you can trade, barter, pay for and find volunteer help to do almost everything you don't want to do, leaving you to do what you are best at - and which will ultimately make you the most money and bring you the most happiness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Can field now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Focus on your core geniusI believe you have inside of you a core genius... some one thing that you love to do, and do so well, that you hardly feel like doing anything else. It’s effortless for you and a whole lot of fun. And if you could make money doing it, you’d make it your lifetime’s work.
In most cases, your Core Genius is directly tied to your passions and life-purpose.
Successful people believe this, too. That's why they put their core genius first. They focus on it—and delegate everything else to other people on their team.
For me, my core genius lies in the area of teaching, training, coaching and motivating. Another core genius is writing and compiling books. Over my 35 year career, I have written, co-authored, compiled and edited more than 150 books, and I love to do it! I do it well, and people report that they get great value from it.
Compare that to the other people in the world who go through life doing everything, even those tasks they’re bad at or that could be done more cheaply, better, and faster by someone else.
They simply can’t find the time to focus on their core genius because they fail to delegate even the most menial of tasks.
When you delegate the grunt work—the things you hate doing or those tasks that are so painful, you end up putting them off—you get to concentrate on what you love to do. You free up your time so that you can be more productive. And you get to enjoy life more.
So why is delegating routine tasks and unwanted projects so difficult for most people?
Surprisingly, most people are afraid of looking wasteful or being judged as being above everyone else. They are afraid to give up control or reluctant to spend the money to pay for help. Deep down, most people simply don't want to let go.
Others (potentially you) have simply fallen into the habit of doing everything themselves. "It's too time-consuming to explain it to someone," you say. "I can do it more quickly and better myself anyway." But can you?
Delegate Completely!
If you’re a professional earning $75 per hour and you pay a neighborhood kid $10 an hour to cut the grass, you save the effort of doing it yourself on the weekend and gain one extra hour when you could profit by $65. Of course, while one hour does’t seem like much, multiply that by 52 weekends a year and you discover you’Ave gained 52 hours a year at $65 per hour —or an extra $3,380 in potential earnings.
Similarly, if you’re a real estate agent, you need to list houses, gather information for the multiple listings, attend open houses, do showings, put keys in lock boxes, write offers and make appointments. And, if you’re lucky, you eventually get to close a deal.
But let’s say that you’re the best closer in the area.
Why would you want to waste your time writing listings, doing lead generation, placing lock boxes, and making videos of the property when you could have a staff of colleagues and assistants doing all that, thus freeing you up to do more closing? Instead of doing just one deal a week, you could be doing three deals because you had delegated what you’re less good at.
One of the strategies I use and teach is complete delegation. It simply means that you delegate a task once and completely - rather than delegating it each time it needs to be done.
When my niece came to stay with us one year while she attended the local community college, we made a complete delegation - the grocery shopping. We told her she could have unlimited use of our van if she would buy the groceries every week. We provided her with a list of staples that we always want in the house (eggs, butter, milk, ketchup, and so on), and her job was to check every week and replace anything that was running low.
In addition, my wife planned meals and let her know which items she wanted for the main courses (fish, chicken, broccoli, avocados, and so on). The task was delegated once and saved us hundreds of hours that year that could be devoted to writing, exercise, family time, and recreation.
Most entrepreneurs spend less than 30% of their time focusing on their core genius and unique abilities.
In fact, by the time they've launched a business, it often seems entrepreneurs are doing everything but the one thing they went into business for in the first place.
Many salespeople, for example, spend more time on account administration than they do on the phone or in the field making sales, when they could hire a part-time administrator (or share the cost with another salesperson) to do this time-consuming detail work. In most cases, in a fraction of the time it would take them and at a fraction of the cost.
Most female executives spend too much time running their household, when they could easily and inexpensively delegate this task to a cleaning service or part-time mother's helper, freeing them to focus on their career or spend more quality time with their family.
Don't let this be your fate!
Identify your core genius, then delegate completely to free up more time to focus on what you love to do.
I believe that you can trade, barter, pay for and find volunteer help to do almost everything you don't want to do, leaving you to do what you are best at - and which will ultimately make you the most money and bring you the most happiness.
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is founder of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul© and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Can field now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Success Story
Hello, my name is Vicky Lopez. I am 48 years old and I teach grade one at a public school. In order to keep active during my work day, I have been walking during my lunch hour. When the lunch bell rings, I lace up my running shoes and head out my classroom door. While most of the teaching staff head to the staff room to eat their lunches, I head down the hall and start my rounds. I walk all around the school and up and down the stairs for about 25-30 minutes. Sometimes I am joined by my very fit 62-yr-old good friend Geni. Believe it or not, I have to run to keep up with her! She is an amazing walker. I recently bought myself a pedometer to count my steps, and by the end of my work day I have usually taken 10,000 steps. I have been walking during my lunch hour for over six years and I love it. It gives me the energy to return to the classroom and take care of my students! I also attend a gym a few times a week. I think that exercise has definitely improved my physical health, as well as my mental health. I just love it!
Story submitted through the ParticipACTION Wall of Inspiration - Quebec
If you would like to submit articles, events/programs or news to our e-newsletter or for more information on ParticipACTION, please feel free to contact us by email at info@participACTION.com or visit our website at www.participACTION.com
Story submitted through the ParticipACTION Wall of Inspiration - Quebec
If you would like to submit articles, events/programs or news to our e-newsletter or for more information on ParticipACTION, please feel free to contact us by email at info@participACTION.com or visit our website at www.participACTION.com
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